Lifetime piling up.

There is a tide in the affairs of men, which, taken at the flood, leads of to fortune. But omitted, and the voyage of their life is bound in shallows and miseries.. on such a full sea are we now afloat.. and we must take the current when it serves or lose the ventures before us.


Given these recent three am blog posts, I'm starting to think I have insomnia. Or maybe this is just the time when I can think with a clear head.. either way, a thought popped into my head while I was in the shower earlier - my birthday. Now I know birthdays are supposed to be fun and exciting, but last year is when it really started to sink in that I am no longer a teenager, and I definitely can't get away with half of what I used to. Ugh. When did growing up become more of a responsibility instead of being fun and getting to do "grown up" things? It's like when your 9 and all you want to do is be 10 because you're no longer a single digit.. or when you turn 13 and you think you're really cool because you're a teenager.. and when you finally turn 16 and get your license (in my case on the second try) and you think you can drive anywhere you want. God I miss those days. I feel like ever since I turned 18 the world has been out to get me. Wasn't that feeling supposed to end with the teenage angst phase? Guess not. But I shouldn't complain, it hasn't been all bad.. in fact, lots of wonderful, miraculous things have happened in my lifetime. But as I was standing under the hot water of my shower, I realized that I have learned a lot in my soon-to-be 21 years of life..

• Don't trade your pink popsicle for the icky orange one.
• Never underestimate your mothers know & will power - she wins every single damn time.
• Pinky promises should never be broken, especially if you bit on it.
• Color outside the lines, then tell your art teacher that even Picasso had to start somewhere.
• Mac & cheese tastes just as good at 2 am as it does at 6 pm.
• Pulling an "all nighter" in high school is never the same as your first real all nighter working on a college psych paper.
• It's okay to still check your closet & under your bed for monsters, even at 20.
• Never listen to country music when you're already depressed.
• Don't facebook or twitter stalk him - it just makes things worse.
• Your best friends really can help you through anything.
• Chances are the friends you had in high school aren't in your life now.
• Sing in the shower or along with your radio in the car.
• When a guy says he's a "good guy" don't trust it til it's proven.
• Don't waste your money on lingerie, chances are he'll never see it or it'll come off 5 minutes later anyway.
• Secrets don't make friends.
• No matter how many times your request a song at vice, the dj will not play it. Even with the 4 smiley faces you drew on the request card.
• Never, ever listen to someone when they tell you to "chug that beer"
• Keg stands are never a good idea either.
• If a bar rat asks for your number, make one up.
• Don't wear new heels downtown. They'll end up ruined & your feet will be in hell for at least 2 days.
• If he's not texting/calling you - he legitimately doesn't care, neither should you.
• You don't need to take a gazillion pictures to create memories.
• Your bucket list is never ending, stop trying to write it all down and do it.
• When someone says the cops are coming to break up the party you're at, you better get a head start.
• Don't buy that expensive coat you want now, but know you will only wear once. Your wallet will regret it.
• Always over think getting a tattoo. It won't be cute when you're 80 years old.
• Visit your parents/grandparents every chance you get.
• It's okay cry in front of people, chances are they'll do it too eventually.
• If he can't love you in sweatpants and his ratty old t-shirt, he's probably not worth it.
• Change your mind often.
• Driving your car to clear your head is a good thing.
• High school classes/tests are NOT the same as the ones in college. Don't let them fool you.
• Never take that "one more shot" before you leave for the bar.

So basically I could go on and on for another two hours, but seeing as I have to be a responsible "adult" and get up for work in the morning, I had to shorten it a little. Life comes at you fast, and I really didn't fully understand that until now. People always tell me, "oh you're young, your life is just beginning" - okay, yeah that may be true but I feel like it's just going to go all down hill from here. Who knows, maybe 21 will surprise me.

You can't take back what we never had..

Now usually I have some witty one tree hill quote to start out my posts.. but I don't have much for you tonight. I have about 36 drafts I attempted to post on here over the summer.. most were too confusing to decipher, considering I spent half my summer drunk.. others were just, well, no one needs to read those. I feel like here lately I'm learning that things, guys, drama, shit just isn't as important as it used to be. Maybe it was morgantown, maybe I just lost sight of who I wanted to be.. but not living there, and getting back to fairmont has made me realize and appreciate things more. Don't get me wrong, I'm moving back next semester but it's nice for the time being. I know I'll wake up later and regret this post, like some of my previous ones, but nights I can't fall asleep I stay awake thinking about everything.. like why is everyone either getting engaged or having babies? I mean that's fine, but what happened to the days when we wanted to be more, princesses and super heroes? It's hard to be a grown up when you're still growing up.. I couldn't wait to be grown up, and now the only thing I want to do is watch cartoons on saturdays and believe that everything will be okay. I'm sure Innocent by Taylor Swift is the best song to describe this. When you lay awake and really start thinking about things, shit starts messing with your head.. I feel like some memories always find a way of creeping up on me, that's the hardest part. It always gets worse when I drink.. it's like all your emotions are magnified ten times and that has a way of biting me in the ass. This is the point where I just need to stop trying.. I'm tired of putting my cards out there and people not playing fair, it's like high school all over again.


I'm done rambling, goodnight. or morning.


Most listened to on my playlist this week:
Address in the stars - Caitlin & Will
Marvins Room - Drake
You don't know her like i do - Brantley Gilbert
Too damn young - Luke Bryan

All that you can't leave behind.

I don't have any quotes to start off this post, unlike all of my others. I guess it's partly because I'm too tired to look up a OTH quote I haven't used yet.. speaking of One Tree Hill, I'm currently five minutes from it. Okay, well in real life Tree Hill, North Carolina doesn't actually exist - it's really called Wilmington, North Carolina. Wilmington is more famously known for it's gorgeous beaches and it's battle ship, the U.S.S North Carolina.. my family and I made a brief visit to the ship four years ago while on vacation. It was okay, if you're into that sort of thing.. I however, was more interested in a familiar little river court located right beside it.. the famous Tree Hill river court. Now, if you are familiar with the series, then you know exactly what I am talking about.. if you don't, Google it now. I guess you could say I'm slightly obsessed with the series.. but I honestly can't help it. I think I like the idea of completely losing myself in the show itself, relating with its characters (at least my high school life), and forgetting about what's going on in my life for awhile. Anyway, the point of this ramble is that I actually get to go back this week while I'm here, I promise there will be lots of pictures.


The next part of this sleepy ramble is completely unrelated to the above paragraph..


So being on vacation, I swore to myself I would not make a blog post until after I got back - but almost four days of complete relaxation, and a few beers can really make you think. I've come to the conclusion that I am completely done trying to make other people happy, I suppose you could say I try to go out of my way for others. Now usually I don't mind this, but when you give 110% and you're only getting back 5% - not even 10, things start getting a little tired.. at least I am. Maybe it's all the sun going to my head, or that I'm so tired I can't see straight, but I'm done. Done, done, done, done, done. From now on, you can just do your own thing, and I will do mine. Go on about your day, and life, like you normally would.. just minus me from the equation. It's said the average person tells four lies a day - now I'm not too sure where they got this information, but I'm sure if they surveyed you, that number would have been much, much higher. How can you differentiate whats true and false anymore? I can't keep up, so kudos to you if you can. Don't count on me to be your fallback option either, I don't have enough patience, and I'm way too clumsy anyway.


Things to do if you're an insomniac and still awake, or just bored:
letterstocrushes.com - cute, sad, and funny letters.


Some of my all time favorite OTH scenes:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ja7r4eFadRk
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7kCxXDpSvZ0&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-_wGn-qAbQ
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SKhTfFSTdZo&feature=related

I forgot to remember to forget.

My mind forgets to remind me that you're a bad idea.


Why do we love the things that hurt us the most? Fast food, alcohol, high heels, and most importantly - relationships? We all do it, whether you want to admit it to yourself or not. I know I have a horrific track record of letting people in, and back in again when they screw up. I always promise that "this will be the last time", but then it ends up being the last sixteenth time later. Honestly, I don't know why I do it. Maybe I like the adrenaline rush I get from them? Maybe I just like the feeling of winning someone over? Whatever it is, it seriously needs to stop. In the end, we all get let down, end up frustrated and wasting our time. There's a lot of things I will never understand, one of which will be why people say they are going to do something then end up not going through with it? It won't hurt my feelings if you tell me no, I promise. I only get mad if you tell me you're going to do something and then don't. Another thing I will never understand is why people feel the need to lie about EVERYTHING.. is your life really that big of a secret? Jesus. People need to start being honest with each other. I mean I know we're all a little jaded, but come on. I guess what this all boils down to is honesty, self-respect, and knowing who is beneficial to your life. Late, life spring cleaning starts now. On another, somewhat similar note, I will never understand why girls think it's okay to sell themselves short? Why throw yourself at a guy? That's not sexy, that's just being plain out slutty. You don't always need someone to make yourself feel alright, and if you do, you need to get a grip on reality. No respectable guy will EVER respect you if you're the drunk girl at the party trying to sleep with everyone. It all comes down to the Audrey Hepburn's and the Ke$ha's. Time to decide which side you're on..


I guess the best song to describe my mood right now would be No Good by Kate Voegele. Listen to it here.


- Chandler

Quiet things that no one ever knows.

First of all, you don't know me. Second of all, you don't know me.


I really don't have much to write about. It's summer - so that means I use my three L's.. lake, layout, and lounge. Oh and work, but that doesn't start with an L now does it? I have recently learned who my real friends are, and believe me when I say that there is just a handful. I'm tired of people only talking to me when they need something - do it yourself. I'm also tired of people pretending to be something they're not, first off, you look like an idiot trying, but I'll humor you and applaud your effort. Anyways - here lately I've been reading my horoscope religiously, so if you want, or have ever wanted a little insight to why I am the way I am, here it is..


I was born on October 26, 1990 - therefore making me fall under the sign of the Scorpio.


My trademark moods include: forceful, determined, emotional, intuitive, powerful, passionate, exciting, and magnetic. The down side to my personality: jealous, resentful, compulsive, obsessive, secretive, and obstinate.


Here's just a little tidbit of info I've picked up.. Scorpios are the most intense, profound, & powerful characters of all the zodiac signs. Even when they appear to be self-controlled and calm, there is a seething intensity of emotional energy under their placid exterior. In social settings they are pleasant to be with, thoughtful in conversation, dignified, reserved yet courteous.. however they sometimes possess penetrating eyes which may make others around them feel uneasy. Their sensitivity along with a propensity for extreme likes and dislikes make them easily hurt and quick to detect insult or injury to themselves. They find it difficult not to be overly critical of anything or anyone to whom they take a dislike, can be blunt to the point of cruelty, very demanding, and often unforgiving in the faults of others.


Trademarks likes: truth, hidden causes, being involved, work that is meaningful, being persuasive.
Trademark dislikes: being given only surface data, being taken advantage of, having a demeaning job, shallow relationships, flattery.


Scorpios are very, very secretive about their feelings and whenever possible, try to keep them in check. They show feelings that are appropriate to the situation, but their real feelings are a long way behind those.


On another note, I won't be posting as frequently.. once every week or so. It's summer, kids. Get off your computer.


- Chandler

Almost everything I wish I'd said the last time I saw you.

Keeping secrets safe, every move we make. Seems like no one's letting go. And it's such a shame cause if you feel the same how am I supposed to know?


Do you ever wish you would have said exactly how you felt, when you felt it, to a person you couldn't see yourself without? For me, always. I feel like my life is a constant battle between my head and heart, one saying: "if you tell him, you're going to sound: pathetic, needy, and stupid".. the other saying: "tell him, or he'll never know." How do we differentiate between such mixed signals? When do we decide to take matters into our own hands and start making our own rules? Everyone I've ever sought this kind of advice from has always told me that if you care about someone, tell them - otherwise, how are they supposed to know? Well.. considering some of my previous posts, you know that has a tendency to bite me in the ass from time to time. This time, I feel it is necessary for me to put this out there for the guys - please, if you like a guy or a girl, hell an alien, tell them. Quit playing the guessing game, just be happy. Looking back on my life throughout high school, and now college, if I had told everyone I've ever cared about exactly how I felt, it's hard to tell what my life would be like right now.

Right now I suppose the best song to describe my mood would be Pretending by Glee. Listen to it here.


I'm really loving anything by Glee right now, if you haven't watched it/listened to them - DO IT NOW.


- Chandler

Like you like an arsonist.

If you wanted to break my heart, there was a thousand ways to do it, but you didn't have to be with her to hurt me.

When do you decide when enough is enough? How do we decide when there literally isn't anymore to give? Is it when you've moped around for three weeks, staring at you phone waiting for a text that you know you'll never see? Is it when you take those few extra shots because hey, you're already drunk and he doesn't care, so what could a few more hurt? Or is it when you wake up and realize that he's with someone else? Well, seeing as I've done quite a bit of thinking over the past few weeks, I've come to the conclusion that things have got to happen for a reason - although I'm not really sure what that reason is. However, one thing I can't seem to grasp an understanding on is when I'm finally starting to reason with things and cool down a little, they come out of nowhere. It's like guys have a pager that goes off when everything is going good with my life. I really don't understand.

Now on to a more musical note..

Lots of new material out lately, which, if you hadn't noticed really makes me happy. First, and I'm kicking myself in the ass for even making a post about this, Lady Gaga's new album Born This Way dropped at midnight tonight. I must say, I am not impressed. It's definitely not what I was expecting, seeing as Born This Way and Judas were somewhat catchy. It all sounds slow and drug out.. nothing you can dance to, sadly. Sorry little monsters. However, I do like You and I. If I had to recommend anything off of the album, it would be that one.

All Time Low's new album Dirty Work, set to be released June 7th, is able to be pre-ordered on iTunes now. Being one of my favorite bands, I took the liberty of listening to the track list.. and I must say, Time Bomb is my absolute favorite. If you're already not a fan, check out their music. Here's just a few of my favorites of theirs..

1. Toxic Valentine - listen to it here

2. Time Bomb - listen to it here

3. Break Your Little Heart -listen to it here

Another one to definitely check out is Love Suicide by Tinie Tempah & Ester Dean, listen to it here.

I'll post a music poll here soon..

- Chandler

My attendance is bad, but my intentions are good.

Do whatever makes you happy but do it now. Live life for the moment because everything else is uncertain, take advantage of what’s right in front of you.


WAIT. BEFORE YOU READ ANY FURTHER, GO LISTEN TO THIS KID - his name is Cris Cab, and if you're a guy, you should really listen to this song. Take notes. It's called Good Girls, listen to it here.


I really hate it when someone asks me what I want to do with my life, this is a question I never know how to answer. I usually respond with what they want to hear, "oh you know, just trying to get into the radiology program" .. to be honest, I really have no desire to go into that program - maybe why that's why school doesn't interest me. How are we supposed to know what we want to do with our lives at twenty years old? I feel like I'm still growing up, wasn't I just sixteen last week? Sure feels like it. If I had it my way, I would design clothes, be a musician.. something no parent or adult really wants to hear. How impractical - the horror. I would love to travel, spend a year in the peace corps, ya know.. do nothing really but making a difference. I guess I've had a lot of time to think about my life and what I want this week - I haven't made much progress, but it's a start. I guess I'll figure it out sometime, but right now it's summer and I just want to have a good time.


Most listened to today: Better With The Lights Off - New Boyz.


- Chandler

The leaving song.

Sometimes people play hard to get to make sure that the other person's feelings are real.


I've recently had an epiphany about love, guys, & dating. It is clearly not worth my time. I either get the stage five clinger or the one who makes me chase them for three months only to find out that they're seeing another girl. I guess what I'm trying to say is I don't really know what I want. I don't want someone to make it too easy for me, I like a little bit of chase, but don't make me run forever - especially if you have no intentions on putting forth any effort either. And now, once again, I am at a loss for words.. so if you're having a rough day, going through a rough time, or just angry at the world - mostly guys.. listen to my playlist.

1. How you love me now - Hey Monday
2. Homecoming - Hey Monday
3. Tonight Tonight - Hot Chelle Rae
4. What The Hell - Avril Lavigne
5. Stupid Boy - Keith Urban
6. Break Your Little Heart - All Time Low
7. Sick Little Games - All Time Low
8. You Lie - The Band Perry
9. Move Along - The All American Rejects
10. Gives You Hell - The All American Rejects
11. Ego - Beyonce
12. Love Drunk - Boys Like Girls
13. Undo It - Carrie Underwood
14. Cowboy Casanova - Carrie Underwood
15. Before He Cheats - Carrie Underwood
16. Deuces - Chris Brown
17. Tell Me I'm A Wreck - Every Avenue
18. Sugar, We're Going Down - Fall Out Boy
19. I Guess You Can Say Things Are Getting Pretty Serious - Forever The Sickest Kids
20. I Don't Want To Be - Gavin Degraw
21. I Pray For You - Jason & The Long Road To Love
22. Ridin Solo - Jason Derulo
23. I Look So Good (Without You) - Jesse James
24. Too Little Too Late - JoJo
25. Leave (Get Out) - JoJo
26. Cry Me A River - Justin Timberlake
27. What Goes Around.. Comes Around - Justin Timberlake
28. No Good - Kate Voegele
29. Devil In Me - Kate Voegele
30. Who You Are Without Me - Kate Voegele
31. Angel - Kate Voegele
32. Playing With My Heart - Kate Voegele
33. 99 Times - Kate Voegele
34. Hot N' Cold - Katy Perry
35. Use Your Love - Katy Perry
36. Blah Blah Blah - Ke$ha
37. Grow A Pear - Ke$ha
38. Sleazy - Ke$ha
39. Pretty Girl Rock - Keri Hilson
40. Goodbye - Kristinia Debarge
41. Poker Face - Lady Gaga
42. Eh Eh - Lady Gaga
43. Alejandro - Lady Gaga
44. Boys Boys Boys - Lady Gaga
45. Can't Be Tamed - Miley Cyrus
46. Who Owns My Heart - Miley Cyrus
47. Tie Me Down - New Boyz
48. Just Dance - Lady Gaga
49. Better With The Lights Off - New Boyz
50. Silly Boy - Rhianna
51. Emergency Room - Rhianna
52. Ego - The Saturdays
53. Missing You - The Saturdays
54. Eenie Meenie - Justin Bieber & Sean Kingston
55. Falling Down - Selena Gomez
56. Break Your Heart - Taio Cruz
57. Better Than Revenge - Taylor Swift
58. Should've Said No - Taylor Swift
59. Summer Girl - Leighton Meester
60. Everything I'm Not - The Veronica's
61. Don't Trust Me - 3OH!3


- Chandler

You've dug your own grave, now lie in it.

You lie, but I'm a pretty good liar. You chose a game I can play better. And you're bright, oh but baby I'm clever. So you might as well let me tell you.. It's not too late to do yourself a favor and walk away, though I know that's never been your nature. And by the way, you've put yourself in danger cause you're playing with my heart.

Lies. How do we distinguish what is the truth and what isn't anymore. Lies are easy to tell, but not so easy to spot. My favorites of all time would have to be the ones guys tell to get in your heart and/or your bed. I don't understand, and maybe I never will.. but I'm starting to feel like a lie magnet. Why are people so afraid of being upfront and honest? Has society somehow lost their way when it comes to truth and chivalry? Yeah. Life isn't like an 80's movie, unfortunately. As much as I would love to think that my life will somehow wind up like the ending of Easy A and ride off into the sunset on a lawn mower, it won't. That and I probably would never date a guy who drove a lawn mower.. but that's besides the point. Stop running your mouth and start telling the truth - life would be far less complicated.

On a musical note.. a LOT of new albums and singles dropped today. Including my personal favorite, Turtleneck & Chain by The Lonely Island. Their 20 track album includes singles like I Just Had Sex featuring Akon, Jack Sparrow featuring Michael Bolton, & Motherlover featuring Justin Timberlake. If you're looking for good beats with a sense of humor, I definitely recommend them.

Lady Gaga also released her new single The Edge of Glory. Now, I know everyone and their mother-brother-sister-uncle-cousin-and aliens watched her HBO Monster Ball Special .. but I've got to say, I appreciate her older stuff more. All of her new tracks just don't tie together very well, or as well as they could. DON'T COME AT ME LITTLE MONSTERS, keep your paws to your damn self.

Also, I'm thinking of doing another poll - I just haven't decided what I want to do. I'll think it over and have it posted by next week.

- Chandler

Champagne for my real friends, real pain for my sham friends

Sometimes, life will kick you around, but sooner or later, you realize you're not just a survivor. You're a warrior, and you're stronger than anything life throws your way.


I know I haven't posted in awhile - I've had a lot going on, and to be honest, I really have had no desire to post anything. I've now come to the conclusion I will never let my guard down, never. Just when I think it's safe to take the walls down, someone surprises me with a grenade. I can honestly say I am 110% over it. How much torture can one person take? If you want her, fine - be with her. But commit to her, not the rest of Fairmont States population, but just know I will not be one of your sideshows. I don't need you. I never did, and never will. I'm not even upset anymore, just sorry for all the other girls heart strings you've pulled and quite possibly shattered.


I don't have anymore to say. If you want my true feelings on this subject, listen to my most listened to.. they may be able to explain it better than I ever hope to.


1. If This Was A Movie - Taylor Swift
2. Should've Said No - Taylor Swift
3. No Good - Kate Voegele
4. Playing With My Heart - Kate Voegele
5. Ego - The Saturdays
6. Missing You - The Saturdays


- Chandler

The hero dies in this one..

Is it me? Am I the reason people always leave? Am I the reason all these things keep happening to me? Maybe I'm just destined to be alone.


Tonight hasn't been a very good one. I can't decide if I want to scream, laugh, or cry - needless to say I'm emotionally confused, so out of this confusion we get numbness. Numbness, for those who haven't experienced it is not really an emotion, it would be similarly compared to air or water - it has no good nor bad, it's just there, a mere existence. Blah, would also be a good term for it. I don't understand the male sex - having said that, I don't think any female ever truly will. You either want us, or you don't - it's pretty simple, black and white. So why must you complicate things further than need be? Remember when I said to believe in the best of people and that they might surprise you? Well, I was right. People surprise you. The hero turns out to be the bad guy.. and there's no way to spot a bad guy. He's charming, funny, smart.. and has really pretty eyes. I'm just tired of being treated like an option rather than a priority. And no, I'm not saying that I have to be number one in your life, just somewhere in the top five would be great. If someone ever figures this relationship/love thing out - let me know. Hopefully sometime before 2012, I'd like to experience it before we all die. Just kidding.


Most listened to today is..


1. Dancing With Tears In My Eyes - Ke$ha. Listen to it here
2. The Harold Song - Ke$ha. Listen to it here


- Chandler

Unopened letters to the world.

There are 82 letters in here, and they're all addressed to you. I wrote them all this summer, one a day, but I never sent them because I was afraid. I was afraid of getting my heart broken again, like before. Cause you hurt me so bad and I was afraid to be vulnerable again. I was afraid of you and the way that you make me feel. And I know that doesn't matter now, after what I did, but i just thought that you should know. This is how I spent my summer, wanting you. I was just too scared to admit it.

Have you ever written a letter to someone and never sent it? Never texted, e-mailed, or sent the words you really wanted to say? If so, you're like me. I have exactly 47 letters saved. Some here on my computer, others handwritten.. some lost in my cyberspace of my e-mail's Draft box.. but they all have one thing in common - the words I wrote, no matter who to, were exactly how I felt and when I felt them. Sometimes you just need to write it all down, if not some pretty good things could get lost. I'm not going to lie, if somethings pretty serious or I really need to let someone know how I feel - which is rare, I will write it out. I find that's when exactly the right words find me.. here's a little example. Mind you these are pretty personal, names won't be mentioned..

Letter One.

Help me out because I'm a little confused. You don't like some of the things I've done, but yet you've done the same? I don't get it. Help me understand what you want. Do you want me? If you do great - if not, I guess I can live with that. But you wanna know what I think? I think you do like me, or you could like me but you're too stubborn and scared to admit it because the last time you gave your heart to someone it got broken. And I get that, I've been there, but you gave up on the idea that you deserve to feel that way again. Please don't do that - even if it's not with me. I saw something in you, something good, and I still believe that. You just need to see it for yourself.

So you see, letters - no matter what their nature always have a purpose. To tell someone how you feel, to relieve stress, or just to take up time. How you write is up to you - whether or not you send the letters is also up to you. I've never let anyone see mine, until now. Who knows.. maybe I'll just post them all on here one day.. maybe.

MLTT - Most Listened To Today is: Tim McGraw - Taylor Swift or Lie To Me - 12 Stones.

- Chandler

The other half of me.

In the past I would have been fine with a fling, but I'm sorry - you missed out on that version of me. But my situation has changed and I'm trying to set a good example.


I do a lot of stupid things when I drink. I make promises I know I won't keep, tell myself this is my last drink, pour my feelings out in a stupid text message, and compromise my morals. Having said all that, I should never be allowed near vodka or a cell phone. I think the thought of drinking your feelings away sounds like a good idea at the time, but when you wake up the next morning with the hangover from hell, things don't look so pretty in the light. All the unaware and unlogical choices from the night before start to blur together and that can complicate things. Drinking only numbs things for a little while, and sure - he may be really cute and sweet now but when you wake up the next morning with fifteen text messages telling you what you did last night, well.. it kinda makes you reconsider things a bit. I wish I didn't use alcohol as a way to get through things, and in turn I wish it didn't cause me to make bad decisions with boys I've known for three hours. I guess these turn of events have shed a bit of light on my situation and made me really realize what I want out of life. I don't want a guy who just wants to add another number to his phone.. I want someone who understands the feeling I get when I pick up my guitar and finish a song. Someone who sees that there are two sides to me - both great.. someone who knows that one song can instantly change my mood.. I guess I just want someone who can see that the little things are the big things to me.

Most listened to today is anything by Kate Voegele. She's great. I recommend anything of hers.

- Chandler

Truth, bitter truth.

The bad guys lie to get in your bed; the good guys lie to get in your heart.


Do you ever wonder why people do the things they do? What makes them think that the lies the tell and the secrets they keep will stay buried? Well let me tell you, the truth always comes out in the end. Truth. It's a complicated subject. It can either make you or break you.. in most cases it breaks. Breaks up relationships, friends, families. When the truth comes out and secrets are exposed how do you pick up the pieces? I will never understand why guys believe that it is okay to play with girls hearts and minds. Not only is it sick, it's not fair. Don't tell a girl she's beautiful while you're cuddling with her and then go out the next day and have sex with one of her friends. That doesn't make you "the man".. that makes you a douchebag. It makes you seem desperate and worthless. No girl wants to have a relationship with someone they can't trust - and how could someone trust you if you're bringing home a different girl every night? Don't feed me bullshit excuses and don't call me babe. I am not your "babe" nor will I ever be. Oh and by the way, you don't get to have me. Not my body, and sure as hell not my heart. We're done.

Most listened to right now is Sleazy by Ke$ha. Listen to it here.


- Chandler

Hate is safer than love.

Fall in love with rebounds? Every time. But it's not real love, your head tricks you into it to protect you from the crushing pain your heart is putting you through.

Do you ever look at a couple on the street and wonder how they got there? They look so blissfully happy, holding hands and smiling while they walk away. How did they get to that point in their life? Do they fight when they get home? Will they be broken up by tomorrow? Truth is, we really don't know. And we really don't know much about love. Sure, you can read all the books you want about it - but no book, or quote or philosopher can ever accurately describe how you are going to feel the second you fall in love. Now I don't claim to know everything, but I've been through a lot. And everything I've learned has taught me a lesson - more hard ones than helpful, but all the same I learned something. I can't really tell you if I've ever been in real love.. but I guess I think of love as something like you can't live, can't breathe, or be separated from each other kind of thing. Now that may sound silly but that's how I would want it to be. I would want someone to miss me so much it hurt and couldn't picture their life without me. I think everyone is scared to let someone in and fall in love, because that means letting your guard down. It's easier to shut someone out than it is to let them in and see who you really are.. guilty party of one. So next time someone wants to see your heart, don't shut them out.. I'm not saying fall in love right away, but if you do.. invite me to the wedding and sit me next to a really hot guy.

Songs of the day

1. Blind - Jason Derulo

2. What If - Jason Derulo

3. Always The Love Songs - Eli Young Band

4. Never Say Never - Justin Bieber

5. Learn My Lesson - Daughtry

- Chandler

The drinks we drank last night.

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.. that'll teach you to keep your mouth shut.


You know that Kenny Chesney song.. "We went out last night, one thing started leading to another.." Yeah, that was my night. Let me just break it down for you.. made new friends, started drinking at 8 pm, played 10 games of beer pong, 20 games of flip cup, a few beer bongs later called a cab to take us downtown - made friends with the cab driver Dave, went to the Cellar, got hit on by four creepy guys and screamed at by one just because I wouldn't dance with him - I couldn't leave my girl Kim hanging. Left cellar and had no way home, it was pouring down the rain and we ran down High Street chasing down the drunk bus, got on the bus with 2,000 other drunk college kids - one of which had a bottle of Jager in his pants - kudos kid. Got off at the wrong bus stop and had to walk three miles back to the car in the rain. All and all it was a good night. I honestly have no clue how we survived, but we did & it makes for one hell of a story. That's what college is supposed to be about right? Making poor life choices but coming out of it with an awesome story.. check!

So my most listened to today are as follows..


1. Out Last Night - Kenny Chesney. Listen to it here
2. Keg In The Closet - Kenny Chesney. Listen to it here


 - Chandler

Believe me, I'm lying.

 I've learned love is like a brick, you can build a house or sink a dead body.


Another 3 am posting, this is officially a record. I really don't have a lot to say, just that I really hate when I'm trying to go up to someone, being the bigger person about things and they walk away mid-sentence. What does that solve? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Whatever. It's not my fault you were lying to me and her at the same time. It's not my fault you got caught. It's not my fault you can't keep up with your own lies. It's not my fault that when I try to at least make a civil conversation you get all freaked out and run away, yes runaway do it, please. That is literally what that was. You're scared, and I don't blame you. But it's not like I'm going to come at you with a flamethrower. Shit happens, it's life.. and yeah, sometimes life's not fair but we just have to deal. Over it.


On a musical note.. Lady Gaga just dropped her new single Judas yesterday. I have to say, I didn't think I was going to like it.. but I really do. Read the lyrics. It makes a lot more sense.

 - Chandler

Sad songs for dirty lovers.

Every song ends but is that any reason not to enjoy the music?


It's 3 am. I'm so delusional, so forgive me if this post rambles. It's one of those nights where I have way too much on my mind to sleep, and I definitely just caught myself belting out JoJo's Too Little Too Late into my hairbrush a while I was attempting to brush my hair - fail. So, here I sit, after yet another crazy night.. and what am I doing? Listening to songs that are making me sad. I miss a lot of things. For instance, when I went home earlier I took my brother up to the playground behind my parents house.. it brought back so many high school memories. Bonfires, crazy truth-or-dare games, and football games. I miss being carefree and seventeen. The world seemed so big and promising, now it just seems cold and scary. I miss my outlook on life and the future, I was so hopeful. Now I really don't know what to think. I've learned that everything in life has to be earned, people don't just give things to you. The real world is a lot harder than I ever could have imagined. But for that brief instant on that swing set tonight I saw the world through the same perspective I did when I was in high school - it made me feel safe somehow? Usually I have some sort of moral to my posts, but sadly for this one I don't.. just a list of songs that are my most listened to right now.


Too Little Too Late - JoJo
Alejandro - Lady Gaga
He Said, She Said (Time We Let Go) - NLT
Cry Me A River - Justin Timberlake
Leave (Get Out) - JoJo
Backseat - New Boyz
Use Your Love - Katy Perry
Diary - Tino Coury
What I Got - Sublime
(Ohio) Come Back To Texas - Bowling For Soup
Dark Blue - Jacks Mannequin
Baby - Justin Bieber
Kiss & Tell - Justin Bieber
Eenie Meenie - Justin Bieber
One Less Lonely Girl - Justin Bieber


- Chandler